Practically at Home: Flats may be stylish shoes, but I'm flat-out leaving them

Tuesday

Flats may be stylish shoes, but I'm flat-out leaving them

In footwear for females, flats are the fad, except for me.

I’m getting a shoe-vorce, citing irreconcilable differences, I’m tossing at least three pairs of flat shoes into the clothing donation bag. I should have dumped them months ago. Whew! I feel much better already.

“Goodbye, closet. Hello, Goodwill.”

I’m flat-out leaving my flats.

Flat shoes come in many forms, from ballet slippers and Mary Janes to loafers and skimmers. Even the ubiquitous basic flip-flop could be tagged a flat. I’m pitching them all.

Flats leave me flat-footed … or worse.

Sure, these kicky little shoes are stylish and trendy right now. Yes, a pair of flexible flats fits nicely into a little handbag for emergency evening use, once those sky-high heels grow cumbersome.

Certainly, flat shoes come in all sorts of adorable patterns, prints, paisleys, and patent leathers. Some are even bejeweled or glittery. What’s more, these simple shoes are available almost anywhere, and often at bargain prices.

But I’m still ditching the flat shoes. Here are six reasons why.

Many of the cutest little flat shoes are styled to cut right across the base of a woman’s toes. That peek-a-boo effect may seem sexy to onlookers, but not to the blister-bound wearer.

I have extremely high arches, and most of today’s flats do not come with any arch support. Their paper-thin pancake-like soles let every step rattle right up the spine as well. After an hour or so in a pair of spiffy skimmers, I’m hunting for a foot massager and a chiropractor reference.

I’m not an aficionado of tottering stilettos or peaking platforms, but I like a little loft in my shoes. A padded foot bed and arched instep seem to prevent all sorts of leg, back, and neck pains. Heck, my running shoes have more guts than a pair of flats.

Even a small heel changes the way a woman stands, offering a slimmer silhouette. Maybe it’s just the way we feel a little fancier in such shoes, but we go with it. We stand up straighter, holding our stomachs in and our shoulders back. Flats don’t have that effect. Instead, flats sort of encourage waddling, which really flatters no one.

Many of the most popular flat shoe styles feature closed toes. By spring and summer, however, any woman who has sat for a post-winter pedicure is likely ready to show off those pretty piggies. By then, I’ve shucked the cold-weather boots, leather clogs, and practical pumps and am already enjoying my favorite sandals. That pair sports three-inch heels.

Ask any woman who stands under 5'5" tall, and you’ll likely discover the final reason I’m dumping my flats. Every half inch counts, particularly with longer pants. Who wants to hem those trousers, when a pair of heels solves the problem much more easily?

That’s my story, heart and sole.

My flats and I have parted ways permanently. Give me a kitten heel, a chunk heel, a platform, or a wedge. We’ll get along just fine.

I’m not growing calloused about it. It’s just time for them to go.